Every year on the 14th of February our culture seems to be driven to celebrate Valentine’s Day. A day heavily commercialized in a culture that promotes unrealistic expectations on relationships and marriage.
It is easy for some people to get caught up in it. An easy route to take to show your significant other that you love them dearly. However, it is also just as easily a big reminder that you are single.
I wish I could sit here typing this and tell everyone that I am unaffected by this. That would be all to easy to say. It is an easy reminder to myself that I am not in a relationship. If this was five, ten, or even 15 months ago I probably would take this much, much worse. More on this later.
Our society dictates that you are unwanted, not successful, not attractive, a loser, or failure if you are not in a committed relationship. Our cultural viewpoint is so driven by lust and confirmation from another human being that we get so caught up in this desire to be loved, or should I not even say to be loved but to be perceived as if I were loved. Kids these days are taught this and then they go through unhealthy measures to obtain a relationship. And once they get in a relationship they are often peer pressured into premarital sex and other unhealthy habits.
I assume some if not most of you out there know of a friend or acquaintance that is in a toxic relationship with someone. Yet they refuse to get out of that relationship for various reasons because they are blinded by this cultural viewpoint that our society has. It is too often that we use our culture as a benchmark for success. This often leads to disastrous ruin.
If I were writing this at some point in the past, I wouldn’t be as prepared and probably quite frankly be on the road to depression because of this holiday. I have never had a romantic relationship. I am not getting any younger either. Yet, is that a problem?
I would like to share something that changed me. Thankfully, I have been listening to a lot of David Platt and Timothy Keller. This has radically changed my view and strengthened me as a Christian. I don’t want to touch too much on that point today, since that is another huge topic in and of itself. However, something I need to share…
For far too long I have wanted more than anything is a relationship. I wanted that status symbol that so many others have. I wanted to feel that love and affection, that confirmation that someone actually cares and loves me (other than my immediate family of course). I was foolish.
I wasn’t any different than anyone else. I wanted to fit in with the culture. I was so foolish. I didn’t see the error in my thinking. That I wasn’t living a radically different life than ANYONE else. Wasn’t I supposed to live a different life than secular people?
If I had ever entered into a relationship before now it would have failed miserably. I would have smothered the person in unattainable expectations and used the wrong benchmark in evaluating my relationship. I was so foolish. This is why so many relationships fail or are toxic these days. They want something that is unattainable, something so unrealistic that their partner just can’t fulfill!
However, it brings me great joy in saying now that I am perfectly fine if I remain single. Because I know that my personal reasons to get in a relationship now are vastly different. If that girl’s heart isn’t lost in God and she doesn’t bring me closer to knowing Jesus Christ intimately than I want nothing to do with her. Everything else falls short of that.
Jesus Christ wants us to love him first. Love God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. If you do that you will never be replacing God with your significant other. That is all I want. I am thankful I have been single to this point in my life. I used to be bitter about it, but the more I live and grow in spirit I ultimately understand that I am being prepared for a better tomorrow.
I will spend my time wisely learning more about what biblical marriage means, what biblical manhood and womanhood means. I want to feel so enriched by that so in the event that I do ever end up in a relationship it ends up relatively successful and not toxic. And that we both have the same goal of marriage.
Some scripture to read for good reference: 1 Corinthians 6: 13-20; 7: 27-31.
Here is Timothy Keller’s speech on Christianity and Sexuality: